Inside my head

For one reason or another I ended up searching for cuddly companions for cats, thanks to a chat with a good friend across the pond. ;) Which lead to some unexpected turns and I found a lot of weird things.

A brief list:

Hizamakura, or lap pillow:

Source

Another kind of lap(s): (Even freakier!!)

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Boyfriend pillow:

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Now this one is very likely only a concept, the Lightmate:

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To be honest, in my opinion, this would do great in some SciFi/Horror film!

And it's not all in 3D either:

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According to the source, the projected image adjusts itself depending on the position of the "live" person, due to infra-red sensors. Creepy...

There are of course many variations in the 'inflatables' section of the net, which I will NOT post here, neither one of those silicone dolls, but related to that freaky section there was this:

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Plush lifesize dolls, now that's something weird. Guys, how do you clean up after? (I really wonder!!)

Less freaky are the following ones:

The Cuddillow:

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This one is intended for pregnant women, but my guess is that they're used by anyone needing to cuddle something at night (and when a pillow doesn't suffice), the Boppy:

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The last one on the list is the "Snuggle Body Pillow":

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According to the site "A teddy bear for adults"...

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And if you're on a low budget, just grab a normal pillow, blanket, towel, whatever... :) Feel free to send in some more of these weird things, I'll add them to the list.

I guarantee you, what's in it is not what it says on the outside... 

I've just been watching Jimmy Carr, doing his standup comedy in London around 2005. The reason for doing so is because I can. I switched to another personality and don't feel any pain regarding the events of the last few days. It's a protection that I'm glad to have right now.

Anyway, the best excuse for a three-some (when a guy wants to ask for it) according to Jimmy Carr:

First of all it's the way it's brought. It's usually a guy who suggests a threesome, the girls aren't that much into it. When you're asked to bring a friend, you're a little bit offended. They're such bad communicators, so we (women) hear it is as if one woman isn't enough for him, he needs two, because he's such a great man.

Instead he should have said something in the line of "wouldn't it be great for you if that after sex, there would someone there for you to talk to"...

Now that's an idea... ;)

Shattered into pieces is the best way I can describe how I am feeling. What was supposed to become a nice weekend home with my partner and children, turned out to be less than 20 hours of which most arguing.

In the two weeks before this disastrous weekend, my partner had done nothing about our special day, didn't do anything on Valentine's day and forgot one of my most important appointments about my future therapy. Somehow I expected a bit of a welcome anyway, since it appeared that we were missing each other very much. Or so I thought. I must admit that I only said something about the first two incidents in our conversations. I never mentioned the outcome of the appointment, nor did I reminded my partner I had it (I mentioned it 4 days before that of which was taken note).

Friday night around 6.30pm I arrived "home" in France after a 10 hour drive. Which is quite an accomplishment for me, since I'm a big risk on the road. When I go mad, I am likely to drive people off the road when they 'do something' to me. (Cutting off, tail gaiting, and other general misbehaving annoyances.) There is a part in me that takes over and 'takes' revenge. It takes a big amount of concentration and metal masochism to prevent this from happening. A 10 hour trip is not something a psychiatrist would approve of, but wouldn't you like to hold your partner in your arms at least during one weekend a month? So I ventured on my trip, expecting to drive back on Monday.

I parked my car, dragged out a shopping bag with groceries, a bag with presents (toys) for the children and a sports-bag filled with clothes for the weekend. I stumbled up the stairs with my bags in my hands, when my partner opened the door and said "Hi, come in". I walked in dropped my bad, whilst saying something like "Wow, I'm tired, what a trip." I turned to kiss, but due to lack of being intimate with anyone I automatically kissed my partner on the cheek. I mumbled a sorry, before giving a proper kiss, but it was too late. I could feel I was extremely wrong in doing that.

From there on it went downhill, there was nothing prepared. No tea or coffee and as it turned out the coffee maker desperately needed descaling. There was no food that I particularly liked in the house (read there were only several ready-made meals in the freezer) and nothing was prepared, despite the announced arrival. I started to talk about everything I just wrote above after the children were in bed. It turned out into an argument, with several excuses, amongst one being "but I'm depressed". (For those who don't know more about me, even during my worst states I still took care of and for my partner and the children, their well-being came before my own.) And of course I was seeing it all wrong and over-reacted.

At 10:30pm my partner more or less 'announced' it was time to sleep, so we went to bed in a very awkward state. I don't know how or what my partner felt, but for me it was as if I was going to sleep against an 'empty body' as if it was lacking a person. My partner had become a stranger to me somehow, lying against each other, breathing but not moving anything. I fell asleep when my meds kicked in.

The next morning I was treated with a certain distance. Like something between a friend and a B&B guest. I almost forget to mention that for the rest of the weekend there were 3 slices of bread left, one "petit pain au chocolat" (kind of sausage roll, but replace the sausage with chocolate), and another piece of bread that only my partner eats. I had wrongly assumed that my partner would have done some shopping before I would arrive home. (It was a school holiday week and my partner had taken the week off.)

My partner and I arranged some paperwork that had come in during my absence after a silent breakfast. After that my partner left to go to the pharmacy. Upon return I was treated with even more distance. I finally broke when my partner surprise hugged the oldest with so much warmth and love as I hadn't received in a very long time. I left for the bedroom, crying my heart out.

I repositioned myself for lunch and started to pack the things I wanted to have with me. At the same time I was trying to get my partner to talk about it. But no matter what I tried, I only got either silence, distance or some poor excuse. By 3pm I was so fed up with it that I started to pack everything in my car again. We had another silent coffee. I prepared a 'tea to go' some 45 minutes later. Silently indicating my departure. My travel mug standing like a silent milestone on the kitchen counter. Straight opposite my partner, so it couldn't be missed, yet nothing was said. I took the time to let my tea brew and when it was ready, went to grab my coat and bag. It was then that I "announced" that I was leaving due to the way of welcoming and (added sarcastically) warmth during my stay. I said good bye to the children and my partner and left through the back door.

In the car I placed my stuff in position, thermos-mug in its holder, hands-free on, GPS on, iPod on, blue-tooth on the phone on... It's getting quite some check-list... I was just about to arrive when my partner showed up and opened my door. Only to give me a hug and said "I love you". Then I was off for another 10 hour drive back, whilst emotionally falling apart. I phoned my sister, then a very good friend and informed them about the situation and that I was on my way again. (I always inform several people of my trips, in case something goes wrong.) My friend asked immediately if I could stop at her place instead of driving on (she lives some 40 minutes from 'home', that's what the (now not so temporary?) room is where I'm staying.).
I told her it would be too late for her, since she normally goes to sleep around 10pm. My GPS indicated I would reach her place around midnight (not counting stops), so I told her that if I pushed on, it would be midnight, if not later. She said it wouldn't be a problem, and asked to phone around 10 anyway to tell her what the expected time of my arrival was going to be.
Mind you, I do have to stop regularly, my car doesn't have a cruise control! I need to stretch my legs and unfocus for a little while. Besides that, coffee and some regular food is also a necessity.

I arrived at her house at 11:30pm, having speeded here and there a bit... Although the first part was busy with people driving home from a holiday, I think, based on the amount of foreign license plates. There I broke down and cried my heart out and told her what exactly had happened. She offered to sleep in her living-room, but I wanted to sleep in my own bed, surrounded by my familiar things. (I hate waking up in an unfamiliar house, especially if they have the tendency to wake up around 6am.) About an hour later I drove the last part 'home' of which the last 15 minutes were very scary due to icy roads. I made it 'home' safely and went to bed.

Today, I've spent the afternoon and evening her, mostly crying and talking. This weekend hasn't been going as expected at all. FML (F*ck my life)

It might be very ugly, but with the way the winter is progressing this thing gets more and more attractive... (To keep myself warm, esthetically it's still ugly.) It seemed to be called the "Snuggie 2.0". I wonder how you put one on... Does it come with matching socks?

When I first saw this picture I thought it was a complete joke, but there is such a thing as a Snuggie, see: getsnuggie.com

There are a lot of parodies and jokes about the snuggie, including the snuggie sutra... (thesnuggiesutra.com)

But most important, the people over at gizmondo did a comparison test: Ultimate Battle: The Snuggie vs. Slanket vs. Freedom Blanket vs. Blankoat (2009-03-30)
"Unless, you've just awoken from an eight-month coma (...)" I didn't, but I suppose this kind of stuff doesn't get marketed here. For me a new world of keeping warm opened up... :)

It seems that the "Freedom Blanket" no longer exists, or at least its site... (According to Gizmondo they were the first to sell these things.) But you can always go for the Slanket... I'd like to have one, but the European site seems more dead than alive. Less colours listed, none available and lots of errors across the site (not to mention the expired security certificate)... These things would also be ideal to keep in the car, for when your heater or car breaks down and have to wait for some rescue... It's probably much more comfortable than the tiny blanket I have for emergencies... I guess I'll have to D-I-Y one. XD

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Copolymers

I came up with the idea to write this down, thanks to a discussion with a friend about meetings and how boring they can be. He mentioned that they were discussing copolymers. 

For those of you who are really interested in finding out more about copolymers need to follow the link at the top, it points to wikipedia. Have fun. If you're interested in my version, read on.

When I don't know what something is, I tend to dissect a word and/or compare it to what I know from other languages. After that I tend to look it up what it really is, which sometimes differ from the actual meaning. Enough with the introduction, here we go.

co-poly-mer...

Co means usually something in the line of "belonging to" or "together with". 
Poly comes from the Greek word for many: poli. 
Mer are the legendary people who are part human, part fish. (As in Mermaid.)

So in my first instance, I started to think about something like a Siamese twin, actually Siamese multiple, but in Mermaid version... Yes, I know, I have a strange imagination. That's why you're here, or not? :)

Maybe I should write these things down more often.... We'll see. :)

Yesterday I added a gadget to my blog, it should be at the top right. It's a little map, showing the visitors on the map. If you're in the USA, the dot might be way off, compared to where you live, but it should be relatively accurate. For me it's just to have an idea where people read my stuff. :) I hope you don't find it too much of an intrusion in your privacy. :) As if we have any privacy on the net...

Seriously though, you do have to watch out what kind of sites you visit. How legit they are and all that. There is a false sense of security when you're in your home or at work at your computer. We leave traces everywhere, both on our own machines as well as the ones we visit. When something malicious happens, you never know up ahead what could happen with whatever you have on your computer...

Just a quick thought I wanted to share with you. :) Don't panic...

I've spend a long time on the internet(s)... If you'd count BBS-es even longer, pre-public-internet era... I've even spend some time in/on the 'underground' of the internet.

In the beginning everything was slow, both computers and modem connections. Sending a message to someone across the globe took a few days or less, but was faster than the regular mail, the term 'snail mail' was born in those days, I suspect.

The data you up- and downloaded was the bare essentials since the connections were slow and expensive. (For those in the USA, even local rate was not cheap in Europe.) But over the years, technology advanced and 'data rates' increased. When the internet became more publicly accessible, commerce started to see opportunities and advertisements started to swamp the net.

This year (2009) has been a turbulent year for spam activity, with average spam levels reaching 87.7 percent, but with highs and lows of 90.4 percent in May and 73.3 percent in February respectively. With compromised computers issuing 83.4 percent of the 107 billion spam messages distributed globally per day on average.
(source: MessageLabs Intelligence Annual Security Report for 2009)

These numbers are shocking, aren't they?
I don't have numbers about the amount of data wasted by viewing advertisements, but it all ends up with clogging up the network connections...
No mater how fast your connection is, somewhere along the line it gets along with the rest through the pipes... Slowing things down...

But speed isn't the only current problem of the internet... The IP-addresses are running out... And from what I understood, there is no guarantee that the transition to the new version will go fast and smooth... So will the internet clog up and grind to a near halt? Will it break?

I think the net will just be slow... For a while anyway. The only thing we can do is block what's block-able, and live with the interclog. :)

I'm doing my bit to help and 'clean' up the pipes. This is part of an email I received whilst writing this post(!):
Regardless of how the rest of your day goes, here's something to be happy
about -- today one of your donated MXs helped to identify a previously
unknown email harvester (IP: 77.209.33.207). The harvester was
caught a spam trap email address created with your donated MX.

You can find information about your newly identified harvester here:

http://www.projecthoneypot.org/ip_77.209.33.207

Don't forget to tell your friends you made the Internet a little better
today. You can refer them to Project Honey Pot directly from our
website:
http://www.projecthoneypot.org/refer_a_friend.php

I love getting this kind of emails!!